Our “Friday interview” with Jason D. Hill, a philosopher at DePaul University, who converted from atheism after recognizing the existential failure of his worldview..

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Last May we published in Italian a preview of a remarkable book.

It’s titled “Letters to God from a Former Atheist” (Vindicta Publishing 2025), and—as we often do—we engaged in dialogue with the author.

We’re talking about Jason D. Hill, professor of Philosophy at DePaul University in Chicago, whose book describes how he abandoned faith in his youth, pursued an academic career, and became a staunch atheist.

Then, after 30 years, it all collapsed with the realization that philosophical atheism is an “existential failure” and an intellectual dead end.

Jason shared more details of his journey, which turned into a moving interview that highlights his ability to reason rationally about his decision, paired with a deep awareness of the religious sense this choice fulfilled for him.

 

Interview with J.D. Hill, philosopher and converted atheist

QUESTION – Professor Hill, you describe your conversion as a purely intellectual experience. Would you say it was an inner, rational process, or were there also external influences?

ANSWER – I believe the desire to convert was forged in the crucible of the intellect. I saw the bankruptcy of atheism and said to myself, “I can no longer live as an atheist.”

But the conversion was not intellectual in the strict sense. It was prompted by the intellect: I went through various rituals described in the book. I always carried a crucifix in my pants pocket, prayed even when I didn’t believe, had conversations with God, and asked for grace even though I had little idea what that entailed.

The conversion happened gradually, slowly. A pivotal moment came one morning while I was in church and felt something pull my body forward. I said, “This is it.” I now belong to God.

 

QUESTION – What do you mean by the “bankruptcy of atheism”? Did any major thinkers influence you?

ANSWER – In some ways, I was deeply influenced by existentialist philosophers—Jean-Paul Sartre, Albert Camus, Karl Jaspers, Abraham Heschel, my tormented and beloved Søren Kierkegaard, and of course Friedrich Nietzsche and José Ortega y Gasset.

I found their identification of the transcendent dimension of human nature exhilarating—how human beings can rise above their brutal facticity.

But having been trained as a philosopher to exalt the absolutism of reason, to uphold whatever could be established as propositional truth, I found myself at odds with my growing fidelity to God and a spiritual hunger growing within me that defied rational explanation.

Even the way religious philosophers like Thomas Aquinas and Augustine lived their religious identities still left me thirsty for something more.

It was when I discovered the work of Thomas Merton, the great Trappist monk, that I finally found a vocabulary that spoke to my metaphysical loneliness and my existential alienation from a world I felt I did not belong to.

 

What Christianity Offers Beyond Secular Humanism

QUESTION – Merton’s thought and Christianity more broadly—what do they offer the modern world that secular humanism or atheism cannot?

ANSWER – That’s a wonderful question!

I believe secular humanism has bequeathed us some extraordinary achievements from the Enlightenment and post-Enlightenment eras: the rights system, equality before the law, a refined scientific method that has greatly benefited human health and well-being.

It has also given us political systems such as participatory democracies and constitutional republics that have respected personal autonomy and enabled self-fulfillment.

But today secular humanism is rotten to the core. It has completely failed! The moral and cultural relativism at its core has stripped human beings of their dignity.

Moral vices are elevated to the level of moral equivalents of traditional virtues, and any subjective, personalized form of existence—so long as it simply makes someone feel good—is deemed sufficient to give it moral legitimacy.

Christianity offers an anchor, a rock if you will, for those adrift in a sea of moral depravity where all standards for judging moral disputes have been dismantled, criminalized, and scorned.

Christianity identifies immutable, eternal, and unchanging truths and the fundamental axioms upon which a good life is built. There are moral facts just as indisputable and constant as the laws of nature or the rules of mathematics.

Christianity articulates what these facts are and encourages people to build a good and profound life around them. These truths, incidentally, do not exist to punish or make your life unbearable, but to help you thrive and flourish as a rational and spiritual being on this earth.

Christianity liberates us from secularism’s agnosticism concerning the limits of various subjective conceptions of the good life. It establishes a moral grammar for a healthy life, just as grammatical rules in any language lay the foundation for effective communication.

We find our moral freedom in moral laws, just as we find freedom and creativity in the rules of grammar.

 

“Now I want to rest in His presence”

QUESTION – And that’s a beautiful answer! Now something more personal: you were raised Catholic, at least until your teenage years. Has your conversion brought you back to the Catholic Church?

ANSWER – Yes, I wandered in and out of various Christian denominations and I feel viscerally, aesthetically, and spiritually drawn to the Catholic Church. When I call a priest “Father,” I still get chills down my spine. The contemplation of the Eucharist is in my blood.

 

QUESTION – Have there been positive or negative reactions in academic circles following your conversion?

ANSWER – No, not at all. No negative reactions. There have been a few positive responses, but they’ve been fairly lukewarm.

I think perhaps in academic circles it was more of a shock, since I’ve been known as an atheist for over twenty years. I’ve actually been more ignored by other Christians. I’m not sure why.

 

QUESTION – One striking part of the book is when you talk about recognizing within yourself a yearning for the infinite—a thirst for meaning that no human effort can truly satisfy. It echoes Saint Augustine’s famous words: “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you.” Do you feel that this phrase reflects your experience—past and present?

ANSWER – Oh yes. Your question brings tears to my eyes!

The Lord made us for Himself, and my whole being is a screaming desire and painful yearning to be filled with His fullness, with His love and abundance, and to feel Him. To me, God is a benevolent Father. I simply can’t see Him as that angry, wrathful creature depicted in the Old Testament.

I have always, always! experienced Him as a loving presence, warm and full of grace in my life—even when I turned my back on Him for decades. He never despised me, He never abandoned me. He was always there to protect me, to love me. I want to find rest in that love, to close my eyes and fall asleep every night in that presence.

People say they fear God. I always say I can’t truly fear what I love so deeply. I am in absolute awe before Him.

 

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Read all the other “Friday interviews”.