engaged in dialogue<\/strong> with the author.<\/p>\nWe\u2019re talking about Jason D. Hill<\/strong><\/mark>, professor of Philosophy at DePaul University in Chicago, whose book describes how he abandoned faith in his youth, pursued an academic career, and became a staunch atheist<\/strong>.<\/p>\nThen, after 30 years, it all collapsed with the realization that philosophical atheism<\/strong> is an \u201cexistential failure\u201d<\/i> and an intellectual dead end.<\/p>\nJason shared more details of his journey, which turned into a moving interview<\/strong> that highlights his ability to reason rationally<\/strong> about his decision, paired with a deep awareness of the religious sense<\/strong> this choice fulfilled for him.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n
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Interview with J.D. Hill, philosopher and converted atheist<\/h2>\n
QUESTION – Professor Hill, you describe your conversion as a purely intellectual experience. Would you say it was an inner, rational process, or were there also external influences?<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n
ANSWER – I believe the desire to convert was forged in the crucible of the intellect<\/strong>. I saw the bankruptcy of atheism<\/strong> and said to myself, \u201cI can no longer live as an atheist.\u201d<\/p>\nBut the conversion was not intellectual<\/strong> in the strict sense. It was prompted by the intellect: I went through various rituals described in the book. I always carried a crucifix<\/strong> in my pants pocket, prayed even when I didn\u2019t believe, had conversations with God, and asked for grace even though I had little idea what that entailed.<\/p>\nThe conversion happened gradually, slowly. A pivotal moment came one morning while I was in church<\/strong> and felt something pull my body forward. I said, \u201cThis is it.\u201d I now belong to God.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n
QUESTION – What do you mean by the \u201cbankruptcy of atheism\u201d? Did any major thinkers influence you?<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n
ANSWER – In some ways, I was deeply influenced by existentialist philosophers<\/strong>\u2014Jean-Paul Sartre, Albert Camus, Karl Jaspers, Abraham Heschel, my tormented and beloved S\u00f8ren Kierkegaard, and of course Friedrich Nietzsche and Jos\u00e9 Ortega y Gasset.<\/p>\nI found their identification of the transcendent dimension of human nature exhilarating\u2014how human beings can rise above<\/strong> their brutal facticity.<\/p>\nBut having been trained as a philosopher to exalt the absolutism of reason<\/strong>, to uphold whatever could be established as propositional truth, I found myself at odds with my growing fidelity to God<\/strong> and a spiritual hunger<\/strong> growing within me that defied rational explanation.<\/p>\nEven the way religious philosophers like Thomas Aquinas<\/strong> and Augustine<\/strong> lived their religious identities still left me thirsty for something more.<\/p>\nIt was when I discovered the work of Thomas Merton<\/strong>, the great Trappist monk, that I finally found a vocabulary that spoke to my metaphysical loneliness<\/strong> and my existential alienation from a world I felt I did not belong to.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n
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What Christianity Offers Beyond Secular Humanism<\/h2>\n
QUESTION – Merton\u2019s thought and Christianity more broadly\u2014what do they offer the modern world that secular humanism or atheism cannot?<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\nANSWER – That\u2019s a wonderful question!<\/p>\n
I believe secular humanism<\/strong> has bequeathed us some extraordinary achievements<\/strong> from the Enlightenment and post-Enlightenment eras: the rights system, equality before the law, a refined scientific method that has greatly benefited human health and well-being.<\/p>\nIt has also given us political systems such as participatory democracies and constitutional republics that have respected personal autonomy<\/strong> and enabled self-fulfillment.<\/p>\nBut today secular humanism is rotten to the core<\/strong>. It has completely failed! The moral and cultural relativism<\/strong> at its core has stripped human beings of their dignity.<\/p>\nMoral vices<\/strong> are elevated to the level of moral equivalents of traditional virtues<\/strong>, and any subjective, personalized form of existence\u2014so long as it simply makes someone feel good\u2014is deemed sufficient<\/strong> to give it moral legitimacy.<\/p>\nChristianity offers<\/strong> an anchor, a rock if you will, for those adrift in a sea of moral depravity where all standards for judging moral disputes have been dismantled, criminalized, and scorned.<\/p>\nChristianity identifies<\/strong> immutable, eternal, and unchanging truths and the fundamental axioms upon which a good life is built. There are moral facts just as indisputable and constant as the laws of nature or the rules of mathematics.<\/p>\nChristianity articulates<\/strong> what these facts are and encourages people to build a good and profound life around them. These truths, incidentally, do not exist to punish or make your life unbearable, but to help you thrive and flourish as a rational and spiritual being on this earth.<\/p>\nChristianity liberates us<\/strong> from secularism\u2019s agnosticism concerning the limits of various subjective conceptions of the good life. It establishes a moral grammar for a healthy life, just as grammatical rules in any language lay the foundation for effective communication.<\/p>\nWe find our moral freedom<\/strong> in moral laws, just as we find freedom and creativity in the rules of grammar.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n
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“Now I want to rest in His presence”<\/h2>\n
QUESTION – And that\u2019s a beautiful answer! Now something more personal: you were raised Catholic, at least until your teenage years. Has your conversion brought you back to the Catholic Church?<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\nANSWER – Yes, I wandered in and out of various Christian denominations and I feel viscerally, aesthetically, and spiritually drawn to the Catholic Church<\/strong>. When I call a priest \u201cFather,\u201d I still get chills<\/strong> down my spine. The contemplation of the Eucharist<\/strong> is in my blood.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n
QUESTION – Have there been positive or negative reactions in academic circles following your conversion?<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n
ANSWER – No, not at all. No negative reactions. There have been a few positive responses<\/strong>, but they\u2019ve been fairly lukewarm.<\/p>\nI think perhaps in academic circles it was more of a shock<\/strong>, since I\u2019ve been known as an atheist for over twenty years. I\u2019ve actually been more ignored<\/strong> by other Christians. I\u2019m not sure why.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n
QUESTION – One striking part of the book is when you talk about recognizing within yourself a yearning for the infinite\u2014a thirst for meaning that no human effort can truly satisfy. It echoes Saint Augustine\u2019s famous words: \u201cYou have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you.\u201d Do you feel that this phrase reflects your experience\u2014past and present?<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n
ANSWER – Oh yes. Your question brings tears to my eyes<\/strong>!<\/p>\nThe Lord made us for Himself<\/strong>, and my whole being is a screaming desire and painful yearning to be filled with His fullness<\/strong>, with His love and abundance, and to feel Him. To me, God is a benevolent Father. I simply can\u2019t see Him as that angry, wrathful creature depicted in the Old Testament.<\/p>\nI have always, always! experienced Him as a loving presence<\/strong>, warm and full of grace in my life\u2014even when I turned my back on Him<\/strong> for decades. He never despised me, He never abandoned me. He was always there to protect me, to love me. I want to find rest in that love<\/strong>, to close my eyes and fall asleep every night in that presence.<\/p>\nPeople say they fear God. I always say I can\u2019t truly fear what I love<\/strong> so deeply. I am in absolute awe before Him.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n
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